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I will be updating more regularly on my blogspot. Updates from blogspot will be mass-transferred here on a one shot basis.

Find me at iameisley.blogspot.com

Much love, eisley

Seeking Solace

The whole of Friday from morning till evening was spent watching Lord of The Rings. This trilogy is my most favorite movie of all time and probably until the end of time. Never have the trilogy failed in bringing tears to my eyes. Never has it failed to touch my heart over and over again. I really admire Eragon’s courage and vulnerability. Besides that, I love Orlando Bloom, bimbotically speaking. Heh.

Oh yes, LOTR really helps cheer me up in times when I’m down and out and feel like giving up. The trilogy reminds me that there is always hope even in times when things/situations/circumstances prove otherwise. That I should fight for the life that I want even if it means making use of every ounce of my strength and even when I’m left hanging on the last thread of tiny hope and the future seems bleak, I shall not falter.

There have been instances in my life when all I wanted to do was to run away from the people I know because my heart feels so much lighter without the pressure surrounding me. I have always been good at running away and I have been running for too long. This time round, I want to hold my ground for a little bit longer. Maybe I’ll escape and run away for a little while but I’ll make it a habit to always come back and face the music life has in store for me. For each time that I turn to come back, I know I’ll be able to hold the ground for much longer than before. It’s time I came back to solid ground, it’s time.. I need to touch base and stop living among the clouds.

ANYWAYS, dinner at Newton was yummyliciously good. Filled my tummy with carrot cake and oyster omelette. After which, all of us had Ben&Jerry’s for dessert. I have no idea why I was quite lethargic tonight. Didn’t have much energy nor mood to have fun. I did have fun tho. Sighs, maybe I’m just tired.

My heart is for me to keep now that it’s whole again. Only for me.

Confusion Overdrive

The MioTv guy just left my house. I was in a fluster from the moment he stepped into my house up till he said goodbye at my house door. All thanks to my stupid sister. I know it’s really rude of me to say that of her but hasn’t she got the mind to think that if she cannot be at home to settle the installation of MioTv and the new internet programme, at least be contactable! She must at least know that I am practically clueless when it comes to such things after living with me for twenty years! But no! I’m left scratching my head trying to figure out what the man was asking for and ending up giving him the only piece of paper my sister left me before going to work; which happened to be useless to the man trying to fix up the line! Luckily, I was smart enough to negotiate with the man and reach an agreement to postpone the installation till my genius of a sister is able to rectify the confusion. All hail Lola the godly smartass!

Anyways, I’m going to be meeting the 3 lads later on for dinner at Newton. I was hoping that this would be a weekend routine for the 3 lads and the lady. A weekend outing is a must for me if I want to maintain this perfectly tranquil and happy state of mind. I am hoping we can go for sheesha cus’ then at least ….. kay. Nothing.

God, save me. I don’t know what outfit is nice for a weekend night out.

Will do an update on the dinner later!! Gotta clean up the messay house before Mother gets home and nag the hell out of my ears.

Plus, I give up on him. Some guys get close to a girl just to get something out of her. Kau pikir ape? Aku perempuan jalanan eh? Tak dapat uh gang. I’ll make true my words. Benci aku dengan kau..

p/s: don’t think you can get into my world, my life, my personal space so easily without my permission. jgn perangai macam paham k..

Blogspot

I am a person who believes in karma. Karma, to me, is whatever goes around comes around and the good will be rewarded with good and the bad with bad. One can never go up till infinity and neither can one stay up sky-high for long because whatever goes up must come down. I talk so much but trust me, I can hardly believe myself.

Sometimes, my mood will get all low and down and minimum and minus zero. At such times, anyone and everyone will need someone to talk to so I would usually call my closest ones and of course I’ll sound all sad and emo. Don’t get me wrong, I do find my closest ones when my mood is up and high and happy and…ok you get it right? Lately, it’s been getting pretty hard to explain the unexplainable and drastic drop in my mood. It’s definitely not PMS, that I know. I know that to some of my closest ones, I am annoying when I’m all emo. So, I’m constantly putting myself on a leash these days to avoid annoying the crap out my closest ones.

Since I’m already ear-fucking myself with shitty lovey-dovey songs from Backstreet Boys, I shall just get into the rhythm and pour out all the emoshites here and NOW.

For the past few days, I have been wondering (in my free time of course) why must there be heartbreak all around. Must there always be a bad for something good? That’s a score I have yet to settle with Mother Nature.

It pisses me off how some people can just take the liberty of breaking another’s heart. No one, and let me repeat that, NO ONE in this world and universe have the right to break another person’s heart. Only The Almighty have the right to do that because He created us. Whatever your reasons may be, you can never ever ever break someone’s heart. Unless you have genuine reasons like maybe you’re dying of cancer or something. I am not saying that I’m not guilty of breaking hearts. I did break a heart or two but it was never up to the point where I actually cheated that person of his feelings. Of course that doesn’t acquit me of the crime of breaking hearts but I’ll tell you something; the boys whose heart I broke are happily attached and that shows that I did break their hearts but I did not ‘bastard’ them to the point where they spent a week without food.

There is a population of almost 4 million people in Singapore, why must one choose a guy/girl who is attached to be their target of want. That is something totally beyond my comphrehension. It doesn’t make you more pretty, handsome, cute or hot-in-demand if you succeed in killing another’s relationship. It just makes you a monster. An ugly monster.

Then again, if the relationship is solid, it wouldn’t even tremble under such pressure given by bitches and jerks.

How ’bout those guys/girls who are already in a relationship and yet they still find the need to satisfy their craving for unhealthy flirtations. Whatever happened to ‘i love you’, ‘you’re my one and only’, ’till death do us part’. Such lies, they hurt, especially when you meant it to your other half and yet a few months/years down the road, you find that your other half didn’t mean it as much as you did. My, how that hurts a damn lot. Must one succumb to other’s seductions. That’s another uncomphrehensible human’s nature.

How I wished everyone could love with all of their hearts. Mean it when you tell someone you love him/her. Don’t say it for the sake of it. Don’t say it just because he has a bike or that he is cute. Don’t say it because he/she wants you to. Don’t say it unless you really feel it (love).

Always think more than twice about leaving that one person who have been there for you thru all your ups and downs. If you’re leaving him/her just because you find someone else cuter or that someone else who could tell you she’s wet just thinking about you over msn/messages/calls, please go get a shovel and dig your own grave. Shame on you cos you know damn well how fucking lame it is to leave someone for something so superficial and temporary.

That said, I really hope to see the bitches end up with the jerks for they deserve each other’s detestable perangai.

As for me, it’s been almost a year that I’m unattached. It hasn’t been an easy ride but thru all the struggles and tears and weight loss, I met a bunch of wonderful people who made me feel accepted. Being single is starting to grow on me and I’m enjoying every single second of it. Ok, that’s quite a bit of a lie. Let’s just say that 10% of the time I do wish I have a special someone to love and be loved. But, 90% of the time, put me in school or with my friends, I will be enjoying like the swinging single that I am

Troubled

im troubled. my mind is troubled. constantly plagued by unwanted thoughts at unwanted times. the only escape is …… k. sometimes i wish life isnt so complicated. i wished that one can always get As in her studies. wished that one can like anyone she wants without having to keep it buried inside for fear of the unknown. wished that one didnt have to do much to prove oneself. wished one didnt have to do so much to please one’s parents. wished one would always have her friends by her side. wished that one can be loved unconditionally by someone other than her family.

alritey, tomorrow is the next hospital appointment. gonna skip class during break so i can make it for the appointment. hopefully my broken toe have fused together again so i can remove my splint and be a happy girl who can wear heels and run around. gotta rush back to campus after appointment so my brain can be enriched my unnecessary study materials. either that or totally ditch school and go home. iono. lets see what time the whole hospital thingy ends.

its hard being a girl and being independent at the same time. i mean, we need our pillar of support no matter how strong we are. but then again, when that pillar is not there, we have to be our own pillar and that’s hard. very hard especially when emotions run wild and we dont know who to go to. yes, im talking about myself. cant turn to parents for some matters i prefer to keep private. my best friends? we’ve drifted too far apart to be able to share such intimate matters anymore. the others? im afraid i’ll be judged for just being myself. so its easier said than done to be independent.

the past two days have been helpful fpr myself. school and studies are a great HELP, ironically. helps me get thru 90% of the day. friends were there for me thruout. so im great and independent for now.

i need to touch solid ground. but where is it?

Downfall

im sick. crap. giddy, nauseous, stomach bloated.. and to top it off, i vomitted. woo. maybe lion city gang will perk me up a little =)

today i spent the whole afternoon at starbucks mugging like some undergraduate idiot. was enjoying the whole outdoor atmosphere when it started pouring. decided to move into the sheltered area but some junior college buggers who weren’t studying nor having any starbucks beverages were occupying the seats chatting and one was even sleeping. fucking stupid or what and to think you hail from some junior college. all the studying must have caused an imbalance in your social quotient. fucking retards. and the thing is, there was only THREE of them. TWO occupied a table and the other ONE occupied a seat for four table all to himself to sleep. how much more fucked up can these so-called ‘cream of the crop’ be?? would have given them the up yours if my hands weren’t full of things.

so anw, made my move to macdees and thank god it wasnt full. grabbed a seat by the window and continued studying. time passes and ain came to meet me. accompanied her eat and then we left for home after bitching for awhile.

got home and vomitted. got sis to sent me to marsiling to pass insurance to a friend. chatted with friend awhile. left for home. vomitted again. then followed sis to meet her bf and then went home. and still giddy. and still nauseous. and still …. k.

amsy and sauf is sick too. wonder how zreel is. cos im sick too. ok, we are all sick. greattt…. all the superheroes are down.

think imma fall asleep the moment my head hits my pillow… amsy put my thoughts into perspective last night in the wee hours. owe him ben n jerry. and he owe me my pink toy. i need to be miss independent.

mcm paham. k……………….

Im addicted.

i am addicted to lion city gang. ok.

i shall not take to heart what you did for like they always say, when one’s not interested, you just go “NEXT!”. hehehe. kau dah bubble aku, pastu kau nak step macam takde pape, kau pikir klakar kape? kau sorang ada kawan kape? eh, aku tak perlukan kau langsung la.. 

so, today theres plans lined up. shiok k shiokk…. going to meet up with the four boys and have sushi. i know i know!!! i said next week but when i woke up this morning, my stomach was grumbling and first thing to pop into my head was sushi. iono why. called amsy and didnt get to hear his sexy morning voice. wasted! wanted to record it and blackmail him. called sauf and he got thru to the other two and yessah! gonna help zreel with his school project too! talking about that, i should be doing my revision too! hehe.  

i closed my eyes and thought to myself for a moment. all the good guys are either married or gay. it wasnt a eureka! moment but a disappointing one cos i know then ….. that i …….. and then i SIGHS.

seriously, i gotta stop my nonsense now and stop getting into trouble over ‘nothing’. heard that biatch? stop all these nonsensical behavior.

Busy

mum unsympathetically woke me up at 5.30am just to ask me redundant questions like what time my brother is going for his camp.. she could wake the boy up and ask him instead of me right? what more, i slept past 2am last night and i can barely open my eyes when she was talking to me. and i wouldnt be surprised if later mum complained about how rude i was when i talked to her. i get real mad when people wake me up and i tend to yell instead of mumble especially when im goddamn sleepy.

so anyway, today is going to get real busy. i got to make a trip to NUH and collect my 3 weeks Medical Certificate which they failed to hand to me 2 weeks ago. F*ck man. then gotta get down to kallang to settle some bike stuff and visit my boyfriend. then imma go home and catch up on some sleep. this is exactly why i cannot live on public transport no matter how much friends tell me that i can ‘wash my eyes’ in the buses and trains. firstly, theres nothing to wash because boys who take public transport ……. . secondly, even if they’re cute, so? no matter how cute they are, you’ll get sick just looking at them throughout the whole journey unless their name is jason mraz. thirdly, nothing cute about matreps with tattoos all over their body and the minahreps by their side totally disgust me especially those who forget to shave their underarms and boobs bursting out of their tank tops.. and the peak hour rush? my goodness. cannot take it sia. im so much happier last time when i was on the road washing eyes looking at class2 bikes and smiling like a cuckoo-kia each time an R6 whoosh by.. and it didnt help the fact that the rider looks so kewl in full-face. WOO. then can also wash eyes on gileras.. ok, im not helping myself. still got 4 months to go on public. friends are going to have a hard time asking me out because imma be sooo fucken lazy to get my ass up and onto a bus seat.

eeee, i have been complaining and whining ever since …… k bye!

Halloween.

yeaa baby! halloween’s in few hours time so lets all partay tmr night!!! keke.

little brother’s gonna be off to camp tomorrow till sunday. ugh. i’ll feel so bored without him around and plus there’ll be no one to order around.. hehehe. nevermind, i shall watch the reruns of hanakimi on dvd. brother’s gonna be gone for ATC which brings back totally embarassing memories of when i was a recruit. eww la kayss.. i was sucha nincompoop.

im going out this saturday and that makes me really happy. like over the moon happy. im finally letting go of love. i know he’s gonna be in the good hands of a friend. btw, got the outcome of one case already. one down, one more to go. i can now heave a sigh of relief cos at least one burden’s off my shoulders. gonna go down to kallang tomorrow to settle some bike stuff. cant ride for another 4 months, i think. sheesh. sure sux like hell. at least someone else is willing to pay for my love so my pocket wont get burnt. guess love’s gonna get some revamp such as new exhaust pipe (think GPR!), side mirror change, black spray paint, brake and clutch change, tyres rim colour change, seat change.. woohoo!!

they don’t know how long it takes waiting for a love like this…

Complaints.

almost all of the important people in my life are busy. ain found a job, finally. mira is forever busy with teaching. sauf is busy with attachment. amsy and zreel busy with school. nadia is busy with school and work. apart from all this, almost all of them are attached which makes them more busy. too busy to even drop me a message. i know im being childish and irritating and not understanding.

got to meet up with nadia after school today. talking about school, reached campus late and because i was wearing cap, i didnt wanna enter the hall late and being so prominent with the cap on, i bet my prof would single me out and throw all his sarcasms at me. had the option of taking the cap off but hair was weird so yea. stayed outside the hall and waited till break time before sneaking in. heh heh. waited for nadia after dismissal and wanted to have teh tarik at alameen but ended up at toa payoh. ate, camwhored and drank tea at causeway point. separated later on as i had to go for tuition at marsiling and she wanted to go home. wanted to hitch a ride home from a friend but something cropped up and went home alone. tsk.

mum just nagged at me and what else can i do but to shut up. why is it so hard to please parents? i may not be the best daughter you’ve ever had, dear mum, but i sure as hell am trying my very best so give me more time man. you dont expect me to change overnight do you? if its wrong to talk back and if its wrong to shut up, what should i do? takle angs arr… haa…

sighs. sham just told me that both me and him born to be riders. that means i will never get the nice feeling of being sent home on big bikes by big boyfriend everyday. sighs. emo malam ni? ok set. nevermind, i dont mind being the rider. i rock la k. you stone. i will never give up riding la k. i live on yamaha la k. k bitches dont need jerks to fuck up their life any more than it already is la k. k so bitch, depend on yourself la k. so now left you and your bike la k. i was there for you when you called la k. but when i needed you, you werent there la k. and that made me bingets la k. but know why i didnt call you back? cos i cannot be bothered la k. now heck care attitude is the in thing la k. malas malas malas la k. lazy lazy lazy la k. now other than studies, bike, and friends who matters, i shall roll my eyes and say ”heck ah” to all other things and people who take me for granted (unless im bored enough then i’ll play along). bitchy? yeps, only to those who treat me like thrash. eee, where’s all these angst coming from? stress, i guess.

k bitch. log off now. stop rambling on and on. k bye.